Imagine Neo's "Woah", but more so...
2002-02-15 03:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
confliction...that's life!
Hmmm, where do I start?
Maybe back to when my dad got here? Well, he came, he saw, he went. We spoke about not a lot. He asked me and my brother to visit him on one of the weekends at Easter, I couldn't exactly say no. All in all though, it was a waste of time him coming to see us. He didn't do anything much, and I avoided him whenever I could.
At least he is happier now that he is single.
Stupid fool should make some friends where he lives. Joining the T.A should help him accomplish this.
Hmmm, Valentines Day. I fooled myself this year, into thinking I'd get a card. Whenever I tell myself I have no chance, I get one. But no, this year, I tell myself I'll get one, and I don't. Cruel Irony at work here!
I'm kinda gettin to think if I really want to experience imperfect love. Maybe I should wait until I die, and then I can experience true love, depending on many factors of course.
On the other hand, I can't stop thinking about how beautiful girls are. Girls? Women? Ladies? Females? Whatever... they are stunning, in a variety of psychological and physical ways... it's like a Multi-Pack... you pick what flavour you like most. Although it has to be mutual. Sentient multi-packs...the commercialism of the future? I'm just gonna wait for a girl to chase after me, and then I'll know I'm wanted, and I can go out with someone, while knowing they chose me!
Oh, today Beany did some stuff with basic maths, that tested my knowledge and the way I do Maths. I don't know what he is gonna do with whatever information he has gained, but it showed us that I'm backwards. Well... I'm forwards...when I should be backwards...or something like that. I know 33.3% of the maths stuff I should know already. This includes all types of Maths... basic maths...whatever. Tis the first time anyones sat down and told me to show how i work stuff out, and then completely surprise me by telling me I'm wrong. If I wanted to undo how I do maths, it's gonna take a lot of work.
Many reasons as to my lack of knowledge of maths, and probably many other subjects. That'd be the next test...how do i do other subjects differently?
I mainly don't know certain things, because my family moved around a lot when I was younger, but they moved around during the Easter Holidays usually... interupting the end of whatever year I was in, and throwing me into the end of another year that probably taught differently. There were even periods I didn't go to school. There was a period of about 8 months where I slept through school. I was woken up for each lesson, and slept during any breaktimes.
Aparrently, this was recently diagnosed as a psychological problem. The 'always being tired' problem. :P
I'm sure that's just the surface of my psychological problems.
I remember times during my very young youth, when I'd injure myself to get attention. I even went as far as electricuting myself a couple of times. Other times I'd fall out of bed and hit the floor as hard as possible, just to make a loud noise and possibly injure myself.
I also remember times during my childhood when I'd sit on my bed... and just... well... sit there. All night long, I'd sit there, staring at nothing. I have know idea what I was thinking about, or why I did it. Maybe it was the beginning, or manifestation of my 'How long can I stay up for and survive' attitude.
LoL... more funny sides of my childhood involve times when I wouldn't take off my pyjamas. My mum didn't know. I'd just get ready for school by putting my school uniform on top of my pyjamas. I think my reasoning was, that it was a waste of time getting out of the clothes I spent most of my time in. I was caught one day, when I forgot to tuck my pyjama bottoms up into my trousers. My mum, to this day, thinks that it was a one off.
Hmm... more about my childhood adventures another time.
I had a dream last night that I would like to share, if only I could remember half of it.
So i think I'll just explain what I think it is.
Well, there are two possibilities.
1) Some outside forces are protruding into my consciousness and are testing me. I have no idea what they are testing and what I'm supposed to do. I guess thats what makes the results they get more accurate.
2) My conscious is tearing itself apart, and a Great War rages within me. Ideally, the war would be between the 'Good' side and the 'Evil' side. Unfortunately, I know there are many more forces at work than that, and what they are doing, or want, I have no idea. Maybe its a battle to be the final 'conscience' that has control over my 'real life' actions.
All I know for sure is, I know when I'm dreaming, and when I'm being forced to dream particular things.
The 'feel' of a dream will change, especially if I challenge its construct.
I loose control over objects... either using them, or manifesting them.
I loose the ability to control the dream, its story, the people, and how they act.
I am sometimes forced to be 'disabled' in some way. Not physically, or mentally. It's a 'disability' that stop me from doing things as effectively as I can in real life. Like running for example, turns into a fully concentrated struggle to get my foot off of the ground. That's a bit extreme though... I'm mentally strong, and usually overcome some of these 'disabilities'.
The 'story' within a dream, sometimes becomes a task driven story, within which I am given task to do, but not told what the task is, how to complete it, or even where the task is...
Sometimes, the dream turns into what most people term a 'nightmare'. One fact remains in all my nightmares. They are all recurring... but not in the sense that the dream is the same. None of my dreams are identical. My nightmares are recurring, as in, they continue on from each other. Facts from the last one, are carried forward into the next, like a great big role-play game. Apart from the fact the the first few were shit scary, I've become highly resistent to them, and for your own security, I can tell you that the forces of evil are under control.
Until next time, when the test continues...
Hmmm, where do I start?
Maybe back to when my dad got here? Well, he came, he saw, he went. We spoke about not a lot. He asked me and my brother to visit him on one of the weekends at Easter, I couldn't exactly say no. All in all though, it was a waste of time him coming to see us. He didn't do anything much, and I avoided him whenever I could.
At least he is happier now that he is single.
Stupid fool should make some friends where he lives. Joining the T.A should help him accomplish this.
Hmmm, Valentines Day. I fooled myself this year, into thinking I'd get a card. Whenever I tell myself I have no chance, I get one. But no, this year, I tell myself I'll get one, and I don't. Cruel Irony at work here!
I'm kinda gettin to think if I really want to experience imperfect love. Maybe I should wait until I die, and then I can experience true love, depending on many factors of course.
On the other hand, I can't stop thinking about how beautiful girls are. Girls? Women? Ladies? Females? Whatever... they are stunning, in a variety of psychological and physical ways... it's like a Multi-Pack... you pick what flavour you like most. Although it has to be mutual. Sentient multi-packs...the commercialism of the future? I'm just gonna wait for a girl to chase after me, and then I'll know I'm wanted, and I can go out with someone, while knowing they chose me!
Oh, today Beany did some stuff with basic maths, that tested my knowledge and the way I do Maths. I don't know what he is gonna do with whatever information he has gained, but it showed us that I'm backwards. Well... I'm forwards...when I should be backwards...or something like that. I know 33.3% of the maths stuff I should know already. This includes all types of Maths... basic maths...whatever. Tis the first time anyones sat down and told me to show how i work stuff out, and then completely surprise me by telling me I'm wrong. If I wanted to undo how I do maths, it's gonna take a lot of work.
Many reasons as to my lack of knowledge of maths, and probably many other subjects. That'd be the next test...how do i do other subjects differently?
I mainly don't know certain things, because my family moved around a lot when I was younger, but they moved around during the Easter Holidays usually... interupting the end of whatever year I was in, and throwing me into the end of another year that probably taught differently. There were even periods I didn't go to school. There was a period of about 8 months where I slept through school. I was woken up for each lesson, and slept during any breaktimes.
Aparrently, this was recently diagnosed as a psychological problem. The 'always being tired' problem. :P
I'm sure that's just the surface of my psychological problems.
I remember times during my very young youth, when I'd injure myself to get attention. I even went as far as electricuting myself a couple of times. Other times I'd fall out of bed and hit the floor as hard as possible, just to make a loud noise and possibly injure myself.
I also remember times during my childhood when I'd sit on my bed... and just... well... sit there. All night long, I'd sit there, staring at nothing. I have know idea what I was thinking about, or why I did it. Maybe it was the beginning, or manifestation of my 'How long can I stay up for and survive' attitude.
LoL... more funny sides of my childhood involve times when I wouldn't take off my pyjamas. My mum didn't know. I'd just get ready for school by putting my school uniform on top of my pyjamas. I think my reasoning was, that it was a waste of time getting out of the clothes I spent most of my time in. I was caught one day, when I forgot to tuck my pyjama bottoms up into my trousers. My mum, to this day, thinks that it was a one off.
Hmm... more about my childhood adventures another time.
I had a dream last night that I would like to share, if only I could remember half of it.
So i think I'll just explain what I think it is.
Well, there are two possibilities.
1) Some outside forces are protruding into my consciousness and are testing me. I have no idea what they are testing and what I'm supposed to do. I guess thats what makes the results they get more accurate.
2) My conscious is tearing itself apart, and a Great War rages within me. Ideally, the war would be between the 'Good' side and the 'Evil' side. Unfortunately, I know there are many more forces at work than that, and what they are doing, or want, I have no idea. Maybe its a battle to be the final 'conscience' that has control over my 'real life' actions.
All I know for sure is, I know when I'm dreaming, and when I'm being forced to dream particular things.
The 'feel' of a dream will change, especially if I challenge its construct.
I loose control over objects... either using them, or manifesting them.
I loose the ability to control the dream, its story, the people, and how they act.
I am sometimes forced to be 'disabled' in some way. Not physically, or mentally. It's a 'disability' that stop me from doing things as effectively as I can in real life. Like running for example, turns into a fully concentrated struggle to get my foot off of the ground. That's a bit extreme though... I'm mentally strong, and usually overcome some of these 'disabilities'.
The 'story' within a dream, sometimes becomes a task driven story, within which I am given task to do, but not told what the task is, how to complete it, or even where the task is...
Sometimes, the dream turns into what most people term a 'nightmare'. One fact remains in all my nightmares. They are all recurring... but not in the sense that the dream is the same. None of my dreams are identical. My nightmares are recurring, as in, they continue on from each other. Facts from the last one, are carried forward into the next, like a great big role-play game. Apart from the fact the the first few were shit scary, I've become highly resistent to them, and for your own security, I can tell you that the forces of evil are under control.
Until next time, when the test continues...
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Familiarity...
Date: 2002-02-15 06:36 pm (UTC)