The beginning...

[confliction]

So... this journal has lain practically dormant for many months, if not years. It began as a school year mode of communication between friends, who are now silent, and became more of a sporadic archive of my mostly political development. My writing gradually grew an obsession with ellipses that i hope to kick... although the lower case 'i' stays for philosophical reasons. However, now this journal seems to be entering a new era. I welcome those of you who have joined with me recently and others who have befriended me for their own reasons. I also give welcome to those who have been with me all along and others who i have made friends with over the years. I ask all of you to consider this entry a notification of purpose.



Well... i've changed a lot since those young years so long ago and so i'd now like to keep some personal distance from this journal. There's so much i could say about myself but all of it will have to wait for the day that i am ready. I've spent the last five years in a vastly different world from the one i used to know. I feel like i'm emerging from a cocoon only to find myself searching for breadcrumbs that my larvae-self so kindly left behind. I graduated with a major in special philosophy and minors in engineering and contemporary global protest. The one constant in my life has been my obsessive use of the internet. In many ways it, and you, have been my teachers, for greater or worse, since i was 14 years old. I believe it will serve as my primary tool for creating the change i wish to see in the world.

There are also many things i could talk about with regards to 'purpose'... that self imposed measure of success. I've set my sights on many future goals and filled my head with many ideas only to fall into depression when faced with my own powerlessness. That was until i came up with an idea that could serve as the launch pad for everything else. An idea that would be the core of who i am and what i want to achieve. The first metaphorical lode bearing pillar; the foundation and powerhouse of my hopes and dreams.

Now before i lose half of you to your own criticisms and disgust at my vaguenesses i should clarify a few things first. I'm not stupid or naive. I will get a job or a career if this first step happens to fail. But one can't think about failure when they're trying to achieve success. I can't yet divulge what the idea entails because, frankly, i don't trust anyone. I'm working on finding out my options in regards to patents or intellectual copyright. The concept will however become clearer to you over time as and when i achieve each stage of the business project. I have everything mapped out in my head: constantly working over it and making fine adjustments as i go. What you're all wanting to know is where am i at now?

This morning two cheques arrived from each of my parents with respectively encouraging and passively aggressive letters to accompany them. This will cover the rent that i currently owe on my flat. I'm still in the process of trying to obtain application forms for housing and council tax benefits from the council which i should have received 6 weeks ago. As you can imagine it feels like draining blood from a stone. Trying to request back dated payments from them is proving an entirely different matter (next to impossible). Luckily i had been living off of savings for several months that helped pay off the last houses rent and a deposit for the new one.

A big question on a lot of peoples minds is why i wasn't working during this period. I was laid off from my old job because i requested one day off sick. Agency workers are not afforded any of the usual workers rights. In retrospect i should have signed onto the dole immediately. It just wasn't my plan to be unemployed for so long. I did a small stint on a gourmet mushroom farm for a week to help out some friends. Yesterday i trekked out there to pick up half of my wages from that work: I spent £7.50 in fares to get £40. Annoying, but i don't have much choice. I spent the rest of my time in a period of stasis in which i was waiting for a friend of mine to visit from Dubai. He kept rolling back the date for almost an entire month until he finally arrived. He then spent some time popping in and out while he traveled around England and Europe until he eventually spent his last two weeks staying in my room. Something about my moral constitution just didn't want me to get a job while he was here. He'd come all that way to see me, you know? I'd have felt really bad working most of the week and coming home feeling drained and depressed. Suffice to say it may have been a blessing in disguise! He's a great friend and i found the whole period very motivating and good for my psyche. It was a long time to wait before looking for work but i hope it was worth it.

When i'm not working i can spend an inordinate amount of time thinking. So think i did. And an old idea came back to me from several years ago... the very idea that had put me on that two year stretch of slave labour. New ideas came along too... improvements... names... logos... i started sketching and writing, but mostly just thought and thought. I looked at whether it had been done yet and to my joy it has not! So i put the idea in motion once more and enrolled on a month long business advice training course. When it's complete i'll be entitled to two years free business advice which should prove handy. It wasn't long before i reached the same problem that i had reached two years ago. The scope of the project before me and the time that it would require. I needed to find a way to financially support myself whilst i put together the business plan and market research.

So here we are. One night i impulsively called out to many communities, a facebook group, and set up a donation button. Sure, it wasn't professional and it could have been done better. I wasn't going to hang about and waste more time though. I just did it and never looked back. I've learned so much from everyone's responses, something i instantly realized was worth more than money. Although, of course, money would help a lot! A small minority of people have offered some and i've received some. Their names and the amounts will remain confidential. It was all very interesting to say the least. I've met some great people and i hope they, and those that have not yet introduced themselves, stay in touch and keep up to date with what i'm getting up to! I don't know how often i will write these updates but it should be in the order of a bi-monthly thing.

I'll close this first installment with a list of things i'm going to be doing over the next month:

- On Monday i have a job interview and a meeting with my bank manager that i arranged a week ago. I'm fairly confident that both will go well! If the job offers anywhere between 16-36 hours work then i will have to turn it down. I've done the math and it's not worth destroying my benefits for wage that consumes my time while providing nothing above my living costs to contribute towards the possibility of getting a personal loan. I wasn't sure which to have first but i settled for the bank manager. I'll ask him what he thinks would be a suitable income for a loan. I'm mainly seeing him to present several different scenarios for the next couple of months to gauge his opinion and establish what will hopefully be a useful relationship. I don't wish to do business with the bank beyond the first 6 months of my business as i want to switch to an ethical banking group.

- Set up an ebay sellers account and sell some of this random crap i've collected over the years!

- Attend the last two remaining business lectures and inquire about what options i have in protecting my business idea.

- Thrash out what i'm going to call my mini-business plan. I think i've come up with a way of making one without all that time consuming research. It will instead utilize a shallow analysis of my competitors, some algebra, and should produce some generalized forecasts. I'm calling it my 'If-then' research. If it works then i can secure some grants and funding to begin work on the detailed research which will form the basis for the business.

- My mum and step-dad should be visiting some time between now and Christmas. I hope to be in a position they find agreeable. If it goes well and i have the mini-plan i might be able to ask for more financial support.

- Ask my brother to become a benefactor to my idea. He recently voted me 'most likely to become a multi-millionaire on facebook and he doesn't even know what i'm up to yet! I'll hold him to his word :)

- Save some dole money to afford a pricey train ticket down south. I've yet to see my brothers new place and my friends new house. This will be a good time to ask my brother in person... present the mini-plan... and go over some important details with my friend who happens to be a professional programmer. I need to ask him which of my ideas are possible for the way i want my business to function online. It will be an important make-or-break moment for several of my more detailed plans for the business. This is ok though as all of the ideas have standard substitutes to replace them.

- Fix my sleeping pattern. This is a light hearted jibe at myself. I've spent over a decade destroying my circadian rhythm. This will help in the running of my business because i will be sure to need to contact various clients from around the globe at varying times.

- Get a skype phone! This is a long term goal and won't be fulfilled for many months to come. I'm just putting it here because i can't wait! :)


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Well, that's it from me for now! Any questions or comments are always welcome!

Comments

[mcfnord.livejournal.com]

so bring it

[confliction.livejournal.com]

lol. patience! Rome wasn't built in a yadda yadda.

[mcfnord.livejournal.com]

i'll wait