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conflictionIf you don't do something,
because you believe it may turn out to be a waste of time...
...then surely you're wasting time NOT wasting time..?...?
- - - - - - - -
Lost Prophets - I Don't Know
Today they asked me, "what do you always seem to find?"
But though I could not answer I'd have lost my way
And I could tell that this ain't right
The morning sunrise seemed to ask me why I tried
To find the strength in people who had never thought about a different way of life
It just doesn't seem that easy
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone...
But the storms of weather, you know they don't seem to be as bad
If you think there's hope from here and there's a life you should now have
I don't have answers and no questions spring to mind
So here I've ended up now, there's no more signs and the roads are blocked
Aw, man...
It just doesn't seem that easy
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone...
(I see no reason to move on)
*-+chorus+-*
- - - - - - - -
What have i been up to?
Well, i had my birthday, and i'm now 20 yrs old...
...meh.
My brother came to visit me on the same weekend,
and i actually had fun, and so did he,
although something back home was on his mind.
We went to Adelphi for a Hip-Hop vs. Drum&Bass night,
something i usually avoid, because i've told myself it's not my scene.
Strangely though, i got the same feeling there, that i got a month or so back...
...at the Pipers nightclub, mentioned in an earlier journal entry.
The feeling is weird, but it definately signals some sort of mental progress.
It's as if i'm getting better at coping with large social scenes,
but it involves the feeling of being 'above' everything that's happening...
...viewing it all as a whole, and somehow feeling as if you could do anything.
We progressed to The Welly, another nightclub, massive venue,
for more Drum&Bass action... which i really enjoyed.
Although, once again, my history, or whatever, tests me again...
...i can't deal with it... mainly because i've had no experience.
It basically involves girls coming up to you and gyrating all over the place :/
Sure, it's a compliment, of sorts...
...although you can't help but think,
if you have no confidence like me,
that they're completely off their face.
I'm also not gonna take advantage of anyone in that, or any other situation,
and i don't think the chances are high that i'd meet anyone i'd actually like in a place like that.
Although i won't if i keep telling myself that.
Not that i want to meet anyone.
...
which is the main part of my problem.
long story
it's just... too much pain...
...and i've already gotten in over my head anyways.
- - - - - - - -
...sigh...
- - - - - - - -
break from a prison they've taken for token,
and show them i'm actually closed and broken.
- - - - - - - -
you know, my mum has found,
or he found her,
this new guy, called Paul,
and he's pretty cool.
I could do without the presents, heh,
i don't have to be bought...
...but i'm sure it's hard for him.
I know i can learn a lot from him,
we already have great conversations.
Like, today, we were talkin about having ideas about creating things,
artistically or what-have-you,
but never fulfilling those ideas...
...because putting them into practice is:
- disappointing
- monotonous
- etc.
but he said that someone once told him...
...something along the lines of...
dreaming of your ideas and keeping them to yourself is masturbation...
...lol!
It's true though, when you think about it.
What's the point otherwise?
When you die, your ideas die with you.
Motivation is the problem though...
...what killed my mind?
- - - - - - - -
you know...
...i really could lose it.
- - - - - - - -
one marble after another
i flick myself across the floor
and into the hole i fall
i lose myself some more
- - - - - - - -
i don't want to spend my life in a career that consumes my time...
but i don't want to do nothing with my life...
what will i do with it?
what will become of me?
and that great one...
...when will i die?
because you believe it may turn out to be a waste of time...
...then surely you're wasting time NOT wasting time..?...?
- - - - - - - -
Lost Prophets - I Don't Know
Today they asked me, "what do you always seem to find?"
But though I could not answer I'd have lost my way
And I could tell that this ain't right
The morning sunrise seemed to ask me why I tried
To find the strength in people who had never thought about a different way of life
It just doesn't seem that easy
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone...
But the storms of weather, you know they don't seem to be as bad
If you think there's hope from here and there's a life you should now have
I don't have answers and no questions spring to mind
So here I've ended up now, there's no more signs and the roads are blocked
Aw, man...
It just doesn't seem that easy
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone...
(I see no reason to move on)
*-+chorus+-*
- - - - - - - -
What have i been up to?
Well, i had my birthday, and i'm now 20 yrs old...
...meh.
My brother came to visit me on the same weekend,
and i actually had fun, and so did he,
although something back home was on his mind.
We went to Adelphi for a Hip-Hop vs. Drum&Bass night,
something i usually avoid, because i've told myself it's not my scene.
Strangely though, i got the same feeling there, that i got a month or so back...
...at the Pipers nightclub, mentioned in an earlier journal entry.
The feeling is weird, but it definately signals some sort of mental progress.
It's as if i'm getting better at coping with large social scenes,
but it involves the feeling of being 'above' everything that's happening...
...viewing it all as a whole, and somehow feeling as if you could do anything.
We progressed to The Welly, another nightclub, massive venue,
for more Drum&Bass action... which i really enjoyed.
Although, once again, my history, or whatever, tests me again...
...i can't deal with it... mainly because i've had no experience.
It basically involves girls coming up to you and gyrating all over the place :/
Sure, it's a compliment, of sorts...
...although you can't help but think,
if you have no confidence like me,
that they're completely off their face.
I'm also not gonna take advantage of anyone in that, or any other situation,
and i don't think the chances are high that i'd meet anyone i'd actually like in a place like that.
Although i won't if i keep telling myself that.
Not that i want to meet anyone.
...
which is the main part of my problem.
long story
it's just... too much pain...
...and i've already gotten in over my head anyways.
- - - - - - - -
...sigh...
- - - - - - - -
break from a prison they've taken for token,
and show them i'm actually closed and broken.
- - - - - - - -
you know, my mum has found,
or he found her,
this new guy, called Paul,
and he's pretty cool.
I could do without the presents, heh,
i don't have to be bought...
...but i'm sure it's hard for him.
I know i can learn a lot from him,
we already have great conversations.
Like, today, we were talkin about having ideas about creating things,
artistically or what-have-you,
but never fulfilling those ideas...
...because putting them into practice is:
- disappointing
- monotonous
- etc.
but he said that someone once told him...
...something along the lines of...
dreaming of your ideas and keeping them to yourself is masturbation...
...lol!
It's true though, when you think about it.
What's the point otherwise?
When you die, your ideas die with you.
Motivation is the problem though...
...what killed my mind?
- - - - - - - -
you know...
...i really could lose it.
- - - - - - - -
one marble after another
i flick myself across the floor
and into the hole i fall
i lose myself some more
- - - - - - - -
i don't want to spend my life in a career that consumes my time...
but i don't want to do nothing with my life...
what will i do with it?
what will become of me?
and that great one...
...when will i die?
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-12 05:22 pm (UTC)...viewing it all as a whole, and somehow feeling as if you could do anything."
as in elitism feeling? pitying? conceited?
i've felt 'above' everything in clubs. It's not a good feeling. It's great at the time, feeling like everything is yours to achieve but the reality of the soggy kebabs and people being sick outside just brings ya back down to earth :P
i think its the music that influences :P (not the sick, but the 'above' feeling)
dreaming of your ideas and keeping them to yourself is masturbation...
...lol!
lol indeed. thats another one thats going to be carved on my desk - along side "the most judgemental is yourself"
my little quote fixes to keep me musing!
i don't want to spend my life in a career that consumes my time...
but i don't want to do nothing with my life...
write a novel. that will consume about 80% of ur time until completion... :P
it's scary the statistics- that couples spent more time at work than with each other- just what jobs can give you low limited amount of time but at high wages? enough to live in this age of increases in taxes, yet enough time to maintain a stable relationship. kinda makes you have another choice to face in life - your relationship or your survival? but then the race has always been about survival hasn't it?
ah back to relationships again. (doesnt my mind revolve around that?) as a female in my twenties who is in her "prime" for childbearing- is this constant worry about relationships a sign of horomonal imbalance (FSH?) or a sign on insecurity?
How is it in relation to others? Placing yourself into the frame, how often do you think about relationships?
i think the main question is- how important are they to us?
our sheltered caring relationship with our parents. our friendship relationship with friends and/or our passionate relationship with lovers.
which to place above, below, before, behind? which can build us and which can break us? yet the question is there - are they important?
the next question is- why ask that question?
if life is a constant review and we constantly mark ourselves - how were your relationships for you, in terms of your character now?
"for what its worth, it was worth all the while"
lol ive been told recently that i think too much about relationships etc in relation to myself and others and that i should spend more time on learning about the world etc or learning a trade/art/hobby etc but i ask for us to learn about the world shouldnt we learn about interaction and relationships? humans inhabit about 60% of the world- whats the point in trying to settle for an animal?- not a good successful reproduction rate there (except with apes)
maybe i should get a hobby - a furfilling one that i discover about myself... scrabble anyone?
i'm just writing as im thinking, or rather as im thinking in between talking to ben at this late an hour.
I'll leave you with this and probably write more later.
it's me *squee*