Alas, pour yo-drink

[confliction]

Stupid attempt at a subject title there :P

But it's true... poor buggers... i'm updating again.

I've just read Jays entry, which i find pretty damn amusing and hence spurred me to update my own 'live'journal.

So what has happened to me over the past...
...well, ignoring all the crappy non-informative entries...
...2-3 months?... as of the 25th of November.

Well, i remember working at Tescos at the beginning of the xmas holidays for 10 days, 9hrs a day... wasn't that fun, but it paid off in the end
(would of paid better if it wasn't for the damn tax that i shouldn't have taken off me)

I then had a reasonable xmas day, more a social event than a commercial gift giving event, mainly because i couldn't afford any presents, and neither could anyone else in my family... heh.

Then i went to America to visit two friends i made in the 2nd Semester of my first year at Uni (where some of my money went).
This was a hugely enjoyable part of last year/this year, as it spanned the new years. I really get on well with those guys, and the 'drama' that happened, and i was a part of, really made me feel a part of the action :P
I can't bore you with the details, but it's all turned out well in the end :)
I should of been American ;)

Anyways, the events around this time really put stuff into perspective for me, in relation to my search for 'truth' or at least bettering myself...
...basically concluding that the higher i go, the further the fall, and the more damage done when i make a mistake, so i started wondering... is it worth it?

I then came home... with a little adventure in and around Heathrow Airport, as i had left my backpack somewhere on the underground (somehow)... but i finally tracked it down and came home, only to sleep there, before heading out the next day to get to Uni in time for the start of the semester.

I then descended into more of a depression and withdrew myself from pretty much everything... my memory of this period is pretty weird, as it feels as though it has lasted ages, but at the same time, it only seems like a little bit of time has passed.

I'm pretty much babbling huh? :D

Anyways... strange things have ensued, with such things as me taking issue with Caz, which i hope he's reading this... hellooo :) I stand by the main stuff i said, but i now realise, after going to some course, was just my cover for expressing my feelings on how/who you are now. Maybe it's not right i say this on my livejournal, for everyone to see, but i think, if you can forgive me, it would be cool if you could come to Hull on the weekend Matt comes here, which is around the 21st of Feb. I'll compensate any shortfall you have for the journey. When it comes down to it, you are a great guy, a better friend, and i would very much like to keep in contact with you throughout our lives. Obviously i've mentioned i have issues with certain things, but we should discuss these, if you are willing, in private. I'm sure you'd be able to shed some light on things :)

Other things include visiting Carmen, which i think many of you want to know more about...
...but tough... ask me directly, and i'll consider answering :P

Was good though.

The main thing this year is a development i'm currently enjoying...
...it happened at the beginning of last semester, where i basically, somehow, let go of myself, and became who i'd love to be 24/7...
...but last Saturday, i sorted myself out, brought myself out of my hole, and am thoroughly enjoying a kind of freedom i've always wanted... i'm me!
I've been out every night this week, doing various things, proving rather costly, but highly enjoyable!
Been to an open mic night, just to watch... although i am interested in learning how to sing, i'd shit myself performing right now...
...played pool and darts with a bunch of new people, hopefully be living with at least one of them next year...
...went to a drum&bass night, and shook my booty :P
...went to a nice place i've only been to twice before, but it's so amazingly chilled there, i'd gladly show anyone the place if they came to visit, it's called the Lamp...
and tonight, being Friday (i haven't been to bed yet, shh), i went to a nightclub i usually hate, although i was assured it was Indie night... so i went along, with good company, and despite my reservations, i started to thoroughly enjoy myself...
...which makes a big change to my usual agrophobia, induced by many issues going through my head...
...this time i didn't feel intimidated by the predatory males, or lost eyes searching for 'love', or whatever... i felt an energy... and i danced without being self-conscious...
...must all sound like i'm blagging or something, but these are big steps for me!
I'm just sharing them.

Hopefully this is the beginning of something really good in myself, i can definately build from here.

...and apparently i'm funny ;)

I dropped in on Matt too, which i think was rather unexpected, but i appreciate the Sunday dinner :) Also glad you put up with me bunking over and waking up stupidly early to catch a train home in time for my 10:15 lecture, lol. Thanks dude :) Friends always :)

Ummmm... apart from that, there's not much else really to say...
...applied for a cinema job and didn't get it... which was funny, considering all i'd be doing is selling tickets and popcorn. heh.

In financial trouble, as per usualy... but i'll hopefully sort that out!

Trying to sort out where to live next year, and who with.

Ummm... and generally just trying to remain 'me' :)

Peace to you all :)

~JJ~

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[hentaiko.livejournal.com]

hoo ya :D