confliction: (Default)
confliction ([personal profile] confliction) wrote2010-03-09 08:02 pm

Rage slave.

In some ways, i can thank the irrational, the indignant and the hypocritical... because when they think they've found weakness, push your buttons, wind you up, get in your face and rouse you to retaliate... they unwittingly (or perhaps psychotically, wilfully, beggingly) unleash the reins...

...and a curious thing always happens to the stoic. Unaccustomed to the heights of feeling they are about to reach, they struggle to control the darkness within - and then their outer shakes, as if to burn off unused fuel. But by then it is too late... the aggressor thinks their target's bottom has fallen out, that perhaps their knees are giving way, or perhaps those tears of rage are tears of fright.

Tactfully the situation can be led and misled to avoid direct conflict. The Art of War ensues on a spasmic scale. The chaotic dance seems to play each as a puppet to their own beat, a blessing in disguise for the meta-conscious, the rhythmn betrays the attackers weakness - to satiate the aims of their exertions. But keep that rug moving - keep them up and knock them down, keep them guessing and, mainly, keep everyone on their toes.

Post-trauma self-debriefing throws up questions of should'a, could'a, would'as and investigations into the root basis to these claims - the adrenaline is of course, uselessly perhaps, still raging through the system. And then one has a coffee break and all becomes clear. The caffiene... the shaking... the energy influx to do that mornings work of hand-balling 40ft containers... it all makes sense.

And then the questions ensue...

Why do i not let myself be enraged by the daily injustices committed on Earth every second?
How long could i stand being fueled by adrenaline?
What are the consequences of harnessing adrenaline as a motivator on a daily basis?
Can the release of adrenaline be controlled in separation from negative emotions?

And, of course, will it be as potent when it matters most?

- - - -

Guilt, fear and misbelief.

Brain noticeably atrophying.

Zombie on?