confliction: (Default)
confliction ([personal profile] confliction) wrote2008-02-17 02:36 pm

Real Dream

"If you were any more laid back, you'd be horizontal." - Ma

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Reading back over my last post, four and half months ago, adds a little bite to my flowering retrospect. "The fast track to the New Deal" and even the business plan itself quickly transpired to become huge sticking points to my momentum. "Where do i begin?" seems to be the resounding question time and again... and so i thought i'd take this rare moment of restfulness, as opposed to lethargy, to keep you all up to date before, perhaps prematurely, i announce that things are kicking off once more.

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Thought i'd adopt the old style of my journal that evolved so long ago.
Conjoined consanant & vocalic alliteration? Almost.

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Shedding my nievety like a nativity.

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So... the plan itself. The planet self. Upon attempting to finish it by that Friday so long ago it became clearer to me how little i knew and how grand the prospect was that lay before me. I had more and more questions that needed answered before i felt sure i could take on the task. At the time i knew i had a month to get it straight in my head let alone on paper.

The trip to my brothers was a nice restbite and i reckon we had a good time! He has an accepting generosity about him that comes from the heart... and although he also helped me out monetarily, for which i am thankful, i think i'm pushing the boundaries of trust with my family members. Afterall... i still have very little to show for their efforts.

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Pidgeon holed.

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So the month trickled thin and i seemed to be slipping further from completion of 'the plan'. By all official accounts at least. I personally knew what was required to start the business... i knew roughly how long it would take... i knew that once i had the funding the business wouldn't be turning an income at all for six months... and i knew that would be a hard concept to 'sell'. Servers needed set up, databases filled, software programmed and integrated server side and synched with a client side applet. I knew this would take a lot of time and dedication on my behalf and this made the possibility of getting six months of benefits, plus the funding, all the more appealing. But how to get from A to B? I had nothing and it was running out fast.

The day i had assumed would be 'the day' came without trumpets... it was just another day signing on. At first i thought i'd been left out of the loop, that a mistake had been made... that i was missing something. So i asked... in a way that didn't make me seem like i've been planning this all along. You see, they like to think that i'm helpless and in need of help... if i reveal otherwise then i'll be shown the door. The answer was at first confused... the desk clerk obviously doesn't really know what goes on around there beyond her call of duty. The bureaucratic mechanisms hadn't kicked in and i was indirectly inquiring as to why? After some confering with her colleagues it became clear that the three month waiting period was for people over 24. I was 23... the waiting period for which was six months. The logic behind this baffles me. Plus, it would bring me to within two months of my 24th birthday. Heh. I was beyond amusement.

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Remember... remember...

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As time went on i became increasingly anxious about taking the plunge quite so quickly... like i had the choice. I was becoming unsure of the project myself... realism was creeping in. I needed a way of testing the market without having a functioning business and hope that the sample clients weren't put off by the wait between the example and the real thing. I had no motivation to use my time on the project for the fear that it would be a waste of effort... a cowards way to minimize the fall. Eventually, with enough confidence in the project, i would have to bite that bullet. But for now, once again, time was on my side.

Christmas was a nice time spent with my family. An irrate text messaging spat on the train down south ended with me forgetting my luggage while i added the finishing touches to my nuanced 'fuck you'. Stupid. Even two weeks later when i eventually got the luggage, belated presents included, i was still deflated. This detracted from what could have otherwise been a great time. It wasn't bad though... hospitality abound... i was just a miserable bastard.

I did however finally meet with my long time friend quite a few times and enjoyed every minute of it. It's nice when you can get together after so long and still know that you're friends no matter what. Great feeling. We had a kind of business lunch in an Italian restaurant and discussed the ins and outs of the idea. His feedback was invaluable and has expanded the way i view the idea from a programmers point of view.

My brother bought me an external USB IDE/SATA HDD enclosure for christmas and i got him the entire Sopranos collection. Overall i think i made a loss in liquid capital over the holiday from which i am still suffering. I was instead able to recover some previous work on the business from my corrupt drives. So not all was lost.

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"Fix my new memory with a cold naked stare."
- Biffy Clyro 'With Aplomb'

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I'm still thinking about selling some of my stuff on ebay. Should be able to get at least 100 quid. I did however, to help pass the time, exchange some old PS2 games for FFXII. I only seem to play it for about 5 hours, in one sitting, per month. I hope it's the first Final Fantasy that i complete!

I'm currently running my computer without any hard drives by using a Linux bootable CD. It's pretty rad. I've been slowly getting to grips with the bash commands and eccentricities of the system. Luckily someone i know was throwing out an old PC with an 8GB hard drive... so i'll be using that for my static memory before long.

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Pre-planning.

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So another three months eventually passed with regular bi-monthly meetings with my business advisor. We decided to stay on course and wait for the New Deal while going ahead with the business plan. But this time i was to create a pre-liminary plan in order to apply for a test marketing grant. I'm still debating whether to use some of the grant to purchase the website address... it would look good for the company but it could be a waste of money if the test marketing returns a negative verdict. The rest will go on professional graphics and some simple progamming to make the 'example' look appealing and functional. There'll be no database work to be done beyond the collecting of a sample set of contacts for clients and even then it won't be functional. No client side software needed either. This is just what i need to silence my critics both external and internal.

A slight hitch was encountered when i eventually went to my New Deal meeting... the woman i was assigned looked me up and down and said "By the looks of you, i don't see why you're not in work already." and "it's our job to get you back into work as soon as possible." I stated my desire to be self-employed to the response that it 'had moved to Leeds' and would take too much time. This was infuriating... all of that waiting dashed against some vindictive rocks. I was instantly motivated and arranged a meeting with the careers advice centre. They informed me of the process of obtaining a meeting with the business advice centre which boiled down to the fact that this woman was the gate keeper. In my next meeting i informed her that it was not a waste of time and that i believed she was lying about the course having moved to Leeds. (I think my business advisor would know where he worked, but of course, i have to play dumb). This little bit of independent advice worked a treat... although she denied everything and said i must be mistaken. She also claimed to not even remember who i was as i sat staring at her for 10 minutes into our scheduled meeting as she ate her lunch. She also informed me not to worry about what anyone else says... "you're with me now." Uh... yeah, k. I think that's illegal right there. But anyway, she signed me up to the self-employment program AND the back to work program. So, starting tomorrow, i have a 2 week full-time course on how to write a CV and conduct myself in interviews. (I've interviewed for Officership in the Army... i think i know how to conduct myself... and spell my name).

So that brings ya'll up to date. Classes begin tommorow. My mum is visiting all of next weekend. My self-employment meeting is next Monday... hopefully that can get me out of the rest of that weeks classes. The preliminary plan is almost finished. Just need a few more 'scenarios' for the different client types and i must remember to put the 40% cut into the out-goings! Will the business make anywhere near what i thought it was going to? Stay tuned ;)

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Piss poor ending.

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